Terhi: Diaries Of A Mending Heart (ep)

~ Tuesday, 5 April 2011
You need to have your wits about you around April fools day. There is always some joker trying to catch you out. We hoped this was the case when the debut ep from Finnish singer Terhi arrived at Music Critic HQ. When we popped Diaries Of A Mending Heart into the cd player it did appear that this was those crazy Fins idea of a hilarious joke but sadly there is no hint of irony or tongue in cheek.

This 4 track ep reeks of midlife crisis, an ego massaging or someone with a large bank balance trying to buy some sort of fame. By her own admission she is not a songwriter or a musician. Something else that is obvious is that she is not a singer either, as she could not hold a note if it was in her hand. Her hackneyed lyrics roll of her tongue with the results sounding like the chef from the muppets while the music, courtesy of musician and producer Steve Redfearn, sounds like it was recorded on an old 4 track using a c60 cassette.

First up is
Don't Even Go There, which should have followed its own advise. There is nothing about this song that is remotely likable with off tune vocals and musicianship that verges on the point of parody. Next up is Screw You. Yup, I know what you mean. I refuse to believe that anyone with even the smallest amount of sound engineering skill could produce something this bad. Recorded at Berkshire's Rockhopper Studios, the studios website proudly boasts '4 song EP and a HD video for £249'. Says it all really.

By this point I am contemplating prozac. A34 continues the pain and I'm now thinking that Rebbecca Black is a f##king genius. The title track Diaries Of A Mending Heart comes as palatable relief. Not because it is any good but because it is the last song and confirms to me that this is the worst record I have ever heard. Terhi is blessed with a voice that only the deaf could appreciate and the production is what you would expect a £249 recording would sound like. I'm off to call the Samaritans.